Why I Believe the Deepest Life Isn’t Always the Longest One
By John Bielinski
Emergency Medicine Educator | Marine Veteran | Founder of CME4Life
Helping People Build a Life of Meaning, Joy, Love, and Legacy.
Years ago, I watched The Fault in Our Stars with my daughter Sarah.
What started as a simple daddy-daughter movie night turned into something much deeper for me. The movie hit me harder than I expected and left me reflecting on life, time, and what it truly means to live fully.
There was one quote from the movie that stayed with me:
“There are an infinite number of points between zero and 18… just like there are between zero and 80.”
That idea sparked a question in me that I couldn’t stop thinking about:
What if life isn’t just about how long we live… but how deeply we live?
Horizontal Living vs. Vertical Living
Most people think about life horizontally.
More years.
More achievements.
More milestones.
More time.
But over the years, I’ve started to believe there’s a different way to live:
Live vertically.
Instead of simply extending life across time, deepen the moments you already have.
That means becoming:
- Fully present
- Fully aware
- Fully engaged with the people and moments right in front of you
The Problem: Most of Us Are Never Fully Present
Modern life pulls our attention in every direction.
Phones.
Notifications.
Stress.
Work.
Future worries.
Past regrets.
And the result is something I think many of us struggle with:
We’re physically present but mentally absent.
Research actually supports this idea. A study published in Science Magazine titled A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind found that people were significantly less happy when their minds drifted away from what they were currently doing.
In other words:
Presence creates happiness.
The Beauty of Small Moments
Living vertically doesn’t require a dramatic life change.
Sometimes it’s found in the smallest details.
I’ve caught myself watching palm trees sway through hurricane winds and being amazed by how brilliantly they’re designed. Flexible enough to bend without breaking.
Sometimes it’s slowing down enough to actually taste your food instead of rushing through a meal.
When I become truly present, ordinary moments stop feeling ordinary.
They become alive.
God Is in the Present
One conversation with my spiritual advisor deeply shaped how I think about presence.
I asked him one day:
“Why did God give us free will?”
And his answer was simple:
“You can determine where you stay — in the past, the future, or the present.”
That hit me hard.
Because I’ve realized:
- Peace exists in the present
- Meaning exists in the present
- Happiness exists in the present
Fear usually lives in the future.
Regret usually lives in the past.
But life itself happens right now.
A Lesson From My Son
One of my biggest wake-up calls came from my son Matthew.
I was visiting him during a hockey tournament in Jacksonville. We were out to dinner, but I was distracted by work and spending too much time on my phone.
Finally, he looked at me and basically said:
“Dad, you’re here… but you’re not really here.”
That conversation hit me hard.
And honestly, he was right.
It reminded me of something I think all of us need to hear:
The people we love don’t just want our presence.
They want our attention.
The ABCD Method I Use to Become More Present
Over time, I developed a simple framework I use whenever I notice my mind drifting.
A — Awareness
First, I ask myself:
“Where is my mind right now?”
Am I actually present?
Or am I mentally somewhere else?
B — Breathe
Deep breathing immediately reconnects me to the present moment.
It slows the noise in my head and grounds me.
C — Calm
I try to calm the internal chaos.
Slow the racing thoughts.
Quiet the mental clutter.
D — Detach
Thoughts and emotions are always going to come and go.
But I don’t have to attach myself to every one of them.
I try to let them pass like clouds and return my focus to the moment in front of me.
What Would It Look Like for You to Live Vertically?
Maybe it means:
- Putting your phone away at dinner
- Watching a sunset without distraction
- Truly listening during a conversation
- Slowing down long enough to feel gratitude
- Being emotionally available for the people you love
Because life isn’t only measured in years.
Sometimes it’s measured in depth.
And I’ve found the people who live the richest lives are usually the ones who learn how to become fully present inside the moments they already have.